How does your marriage benefit when you share common interests with your spouse? I have some answers.
When I met my husband, we were both into cars. At the time, I didn’t realize how vital this shared hobby would be in strengthening and solidifying our marriage.
I fell in love with him and just believed that we’d always be in love. One of the things I learned in 8 years of marriage was that it took much more than just having fallen in love. Marriage takes a lot of work and real commitment.
One of the most important pieces of advice I can share for your marriage is to share a hobby with your spouse.
When we had our first born, I dropped everything for her. Everything I was and everything I enjoyed was gone. My life revolved around her.
I became unhappy. Worst of all, my husband became unhappy. As you might expect, our marriage was suffering from all the unhappiness.
I’m grateful, however, that he made it known that something had to change before our entire relationship was destroyed. He urged me recognize that there was more to life than being a mom, to get out of the house and find something to make me happy. Even more so, he needed me to spend time with him. We needed to rekindle our relationship.
We began enjoying a few date nights (or weekends). And then, he talked me into sharing Autocross with him.
What I’ve seen in the years since sharing a hobby with my husband is that we’re becoming much happier together. We enjoy each other’s company and having a shared interest keeps us close.
What happens to your relationship when you share common interests with your spouse?
You have a common interest to look forward to doing together. This builds your friendship, which is a great foundation to have in your marriage.
Both of you can cheer each other on and encourage each other.
You’ll have more to talk about.
Your lives become more intertwined and you’ll gain mutual friends with similar interests.
You’ll be making memories together.
You show your children what to expect from a healthy relationship. People may even look up to you both as a healthy and happy couple.
You show that you value your time with each other.
You’ll argue less about money or time spent on a hobby when you understand it and each other better.
You will each experience growth in the same direction. A healthy marriage will grow together, not just separately.
You’ll learn it’s not all about being an individual in the relationship.
I keep telling myself that we’re continually building a stronger relationship by participating in hobbies together while the kids are still so young. When we’re empty-nesters (in another 16 or so years), we’re not going to be struggling with our identity as a couple, much less our personal identities. We’re adding to our life story together, hopefully keeping us growing on the same path, instead of growing apart.
If you don’t share common interests with your spouse…
It’s only okay if you’re just now coming to realize how little you two have in common. But, now that you’re realizing you don’t share common interests with your spouse, it’s time to do something about it.
If you’ve ever heard it said “marriage is 50/50” you heard wrong. Marriage is 100/100. Each of you give it everything you’ve got. This means it’s not on just one of you to come up with a way to share a hobby together. It’s important both of you make an attempt to enjoy each other’s hobbies.
I’m not saying you guys have to do everything together or that you have to like everything the other likes. But, you both have to make an effort, forcing any pre-conceived notions out of your mind to try to enjoy an activity. Although I’d always been a car enthusiast, it took some coaxing from my husband to try Autocross. I’d always pictured it being an unorganized event with a bunch of silly kids. I let that idea cloud my judgment and prevent me from doing something I would come to love. I was hooked after a few events and now I’m “in my element” every time we go.
If you don’t currently have a hobby, pick one up that you think you’d really like. I have a list of hobbies for moms (and they’re not all super “girly”), which might prompt some ideas for you both.
It’s your turn…
Tell us, in the comments section, do you share common interests with your spouse? What are they? Maybe you’ll give a couple some ideas on hobbies they can enjoy together.
Absolutely agree, Ivy.
I used to love being alone before, and when I got married, I used to feel uncomfortable when I did not have my own time. Fortunately, my husband and I share the same interests: we like to go out for a walk with our pets. And that helps me realize that sharing the same habit or hobby with a spouse is very important for you to step into each other’s world, as you say 100/100, not 50/50.
I’m an introvert, myself, so I could easily clam up and be totally cool. But, spending some time with my husband helps me in so many ways and I love connecting with him … even if it’s completely exhausting.
I bet walking with the pets is a great time to chat and catch up. Sometimes I wish we could go on walks, but with two crazy kids, there would be nothing relaxing about it LOL
Good stuff here!
I’m on the far end of the parenting journey, so I can attest to the truth that investing in our marriage along the way has been like putting money in the bank.
Hi Michele! Thank you so much for the encouragement that your comment offered. It’s, obviously, hard to know if I’m doing it right, but hoping. Hearing from others who have “been there, done that” is certainly helpful!! Thank you, again. ivy
You are so wright. As a couple is important to choose some activities that you can do together ad ripof the benefits along the way. Keeping an active lifestyle is hugely important.
Thanks Ryan! Definitely continue to build on the marriage instead of playing catch up after the kids are gone.
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