When your best friend calls, your heart pounds. Her voice is tight, maybe a little shaky. She just told you she’s pregnant, and you both know it wasn’t the plan. In that silent beat after she says the words, you might freeze, not knowing what to say or how to act. That’s okay.
This isn’t about having the perfect words; it’s about being a good friend when her world feels shaken. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just be there.
How to Support a Friend Through an Unexpected Pregnancy
Listen Like You Mean It
She doesn’t need a speech. What she needs most is someone who truly listens. So when she opens up, put your phone away, look her in the eye, and let her talk. Don’t say, “It’ll all be fine,” because you don’t know that, and neither does she. Try saying something real like, “I imagine you must feel freaked out, but I’m here for you.” Listening without judgment is one of the strongest things you can do.
React With Calm, Not Chaos
Your reaction can either make her feel safe or make her want to shut down. Even if you’re surprised, try to stay calm. Take a breath before answering her. Ask gentle questions like, “How are you holding up?” or “What do you need right now?” She’s probably scared, confused, or both. Showing her that you can handle the moment helps her believe she can too.
Show Up in Small but Real Ways
Sometimes love looks like showing up with snacks or offering to go with her to an appointment. Other times, it’s helping her figure out who she can talk to next. Don’t just say, “Let me know if you need anything,” because chances are, she won’t. Think ahead. What would you need if you were in her place? There are also groups like Embrace Grace that support young women going through unexpected pregnancies, giving them a community that understands. Sharing something like that (if she’s open to it) could really help.
Keep Normal Life Going Too
Pregnancy can make someone feel like their whole life has just flipped upside down. One of the kindest things you can do is help her stay connected to the parts of herself that still feel normal. Watch a movie together. Go for ice cream. Talk about music or school or anything, not about pregnancy for a while. It’s a quiet reminder that she’s still herself, just facing something big.
Respect Her Choices, Even If You Don’t Agree
You might not understand every decision she makes. That’s okay. It’s not your job to fix things or convince her of what’s “right.” What matters most is that she knows you respect her and that she’s not alone. Everyone’s situation is different, and judgment only makes things harder. Real support means standing beside her, not above her.
Be the Friend Who Stays
People often rush in with support when something dramatic first happens, but they fade away after a few weeks. Don’t be one of those people. Keep checking in, even months later. A simple text like, “Thinking of you today,” can mean more than you realize. Consistency tells her she’s worth sticking around for.
Love Her Through It All
You don’t have to have all the answers. Your role isn’t to fix her situation, but to share the weight of it.
Just keep showing up, listening, and reminding her that she matters. When everything feels uncertain, real friendship can make all the difference. Because being there for someone in their hardest moment? That’s not just a kindness – it’s what defines a true friend.
