Bringing a baby into the world is a joyous event, but it can also have some dramatic effects on your marriage. If you’re not paying enough attention, you can destroy your marriage after baby pretty easily!
Taking care of babies and raising children is a difficult task, even when you have a spouse. But can you imagine how much more difficult parenthood can be if you don’t have a partner to rely on?
And I want to share these tips in hopes that you nurture your relationship before it needs saving. But, don’t despair, if your partner is still fighting for your attention, you can strengthen it before it’s too late! You just have to act now.
How To Sabotage A Marriage After Baby
You can have a happy marriage with kids at home, but it takes work. Whether or not that’s your thing, I’m sharing 7 things that will kill a marriage after baby!
1. Make The Kids Your Priority
It sounds counter-intuitive, but the absolute best way to sabotage a marriage after baby is to put your kids before your spouse.
Withhold from your spouse love and attention. Put their needs on the back burner or completely forget their needs. Above all else, forget about asking for their advice or opinions if you want to destroy your marriage.
You might be surprised that the stronger your marriage is, the better you’ll both parent your children.
Your children need both parents. Your spouse needs you.
Focusing on each other will have surprising benefits on the marriage and for the kids!
2. Never Take Time For Yourself
Ready to kill your marriage after baby?
Don’t take time for yourself. Continue to believe that you’re only a good parent or spouse if you’re home tending to everyone else.
The truth is, when you respect your need to take a break, recharge, and remember yourself as a human being with needs, you’ll be a better parent and spouse.
3. Let the Kids Stay Up Late … Every Night
Go on, let the kids dominate the house all hours of the day and night! It won’t have any impact on your marriage that the two of you never get any time alone.
Please tell me you don’t believe this!
It’s great for both of you to have time alone at night to reconnect. Whether you want to have adult conversations, make serious decisions, or reconnect physically, having kids barging in every second of the day isn’t going to do your relationship any favors.
4. Avoid Regular Date Nights
Eh, who needs a date night?
Relationships thrive on lack of intimacy and togetherness, don’t they?
No! Just no!
Don’t forget to set a regular date night. It doesn’t have to be anything extra special every week, but even 1 night a week dedicated to staying connected with your spouse will do wonders for your marriage after baby.
The occasional movie night may not be a bad thing, but be sure to set aside time for fun. Play games, laugh, and enjoy each other’s company.
5. Don’t Make Your Spouse Feel Special
Seriously, don’t remind your spouse how special, amazing, good-looking, or smart he or she is. No one needs to hear words of affirmation to feel connected or loved, do they?
If you’d rather improve your marriage after baby, don’t forget to make your spouse feel special regularly.
Write a short love note.
Thank your spouse for something he or she did for you.
Remind your spouse about their attractiveness.
Give your spouse a small gift (handmade is cool).
Just let your spouse know he or she is on your mind, even if you’re busy.
6. Forget Communication
A great way to sabotage a marriage after baby (or any relationship) is to stop communicating. Forget to mention important details about everything including finances and health.
In fact, why not forget about the random, funny meme you thought up in your head when the baby was driving you crazy!
For real though, you’ve got to keep your spouse in the loop. Your spouse should be one of your best friends, if not your true best friend. Let your spouse know what’s going on in your day-to-day … even the little things.
7. Do Things Your Way
Make decisions about the house and parenting without consulting with your partner.
Okay, while that may work for a spouse who is hands-off, this isn’t the way to create a strong partnership.
To have a strong marriage after baby, your spouse needs to be included in decision-making and parenting. A strong marriage is easier if you practice parenting teamwork!
I know it’s difficult to fill two major roles in your life when you’re sleep-deprived and jumping at baby’s every whimper. But, the care you take, now, to nurture and strengthen your marriage will benefit you and your new baby.
FAQs About Marriage After Baby
Why does marriage change after baby?
From experience, a mother’s focus shifts from her marriage to prioritizing her baby. It’s easy to get sucked into the feeling that you have to be focused on your children and lose sight that your husband and marriage need regular maintenance too!
How do you prioritize marriage after having a baby?
Don’t forget to take some date nights, reconnect in the evenings when the children are asleep and create habits/rituals that you both enjoy!
Why do so many couples break up after having a baby?
Feelings of neglect, different parenting styles, less time and intimacy all have negative effects on relationships. When not tended to, marriages fail just like any relationship.
This post originally appeared on SAHM, plus… Aug 2020 and has been updated.