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Am I a Good Mom? The Best Response is This

by Ivy B

Am I a good mom?  I believe you’re a good mom and there’s one reason why.  Share this or tag a good mommy to let them know you notice the struggle or believe they’re a good mom too.

“Am I a good mom? It’s a question that echoes through the chaotic symphony of motherhood, often lingering in the minds of many of us.

As I stood in the kitchen, juggling dishes while suppressing the relentless waves of sickness, the nagging doubt surfaced again. A sudden realization hit me: I had forgotten to pack my daughter’s snack for school. Guilt washed over me, questioning my competence.

How could I forget something so seemingly simple?

I calm my thoughts after I remind myself that her teacher had a snack stash for just this situation.  In fact, I donated a humongous box of chips to her classroom just weeks ago.  She’s fine.  She will be taken care of.

It was in moments like these that the relentless whisper of ‘Am I a good mom?’ grew louder. If you’ve ever found yourself wrestling with the same question, you’re not alone. Join me as we delve into the essence of what truly defines a ‘good mom,’ and why the answer might just be simpler than we think.”

Am I a good mom?  I believe you're a good mom and there's one reason why.  Share this or tag a good mommy to let them know you notice the struggle or believe they're a good mom too. | www.sahmplus.com

As a mom of two children, I know how often I question my abilities.  There are so many questions I pose to myself about my own parenting.

I often wonder if I do enough.  Have I said the right things?  Am I teaching my children important life lessons?  Have I shown them how to be good friends?  Am I teaching them to be responsible for their actions and that they’re not entitled to anything in this world?  That’s just to name a few.  And those probably happened in less than an hour.  Just today.

All my questions boil down to one simple, and common, question most moms have.

Am I a Good Mom? The Best Response is This Share on X

Challenges of Motherhood:

  • Juggling household chores while battling sickness, the constant mental checklist of things to do, and the perpetual worry about children’s well-being.
  • Feeling guilty over small slip-ups like forgetting to pack a child’s snack for school, questioning one’s parenting abilities, and the relentless self-doubt about being good enough.

Am I a Good Mom?

The key to being a good mom is simple.

Stop asking the question.

I know you’re asking “How does that qualify as an answer to a question?”

It isn’t.  But there’s a reason for it.  And that is …

There is no definitive answer.

The fact that you feel compelled to ask if you’re a good mom likely means that you are a good mom.  You’re asking because you care.  You’re concerned that you’re doing the right thing for your family.  This tells me, simply, you are a good mom.

Related: Creating a Perfect & Functional Nursery & Motherhood Tips from the Experts

How Do I Know If I Am a Good Mom?

Okay, I get it.  You need some signs that you’re a good mom.

Here are a few things that indicate you’re probably a good mom:

  1. Your kids smile, laugh and enjoy life.
  2. Your kids are polite and share.
  3. You put (at least some of) their needs ahead of your own.
  4. You parent your kids according to their personalities and needs.
  5. You aren’t afraid of doling out consequences.
  6. Sometimes your kids say “I hate you“.

What are the Signs of a Bad Mother?

Not so great moms may:

  • Only focus on work, financial stability and your child’s school performance.
  • Not try to communicate or have heart to hearts with your children.
  • Provide an overabundance.
  • Be over protective.

Signs of a Good Mom:

  • Witnessing the children’s genuine smiles and laughter, observing their polite and sharing behavior, and noticing the selfless prioritization of their needs.
  • Tailoring parenting techniques according to each child’s unique personality, demonstrating the courage to implement necessary consequences, and fostering open communication for a healthy parent-child relationship.

How to Stop Wondering if You’re a Good Mom

Motherhood is a challenging job, to say the least! But here are some things that may help put everything into perspective and keep you grounded in reality:

1. Stop seeking validation from others.  

Their opinions of your parenting don’t matter, do they?  That’s the thing with us moms … we always seem to be concerned about what others think about us.  And, it shouldn’t be that way.  Their opinions are subjective because their ideas of being a good mom really only apply to themselves.  They don’t have all the information to make the best decisions for your family.  Only you do.  So stop putting stock in other’s thoughts.

2. Stop comparing yourself to others.

Your friends’ posts on social media are only one side of her life.

I am not a Pinterest Mom!

The Pinterest pins one may save are no indication of a mom’s real life.  I seriously have tons of crafts saved to my Pinterest boards, but I don’t have the time or energy to do them all.  I just like them.  And I wish I could do them.

Related: Delete Facebook, Be a Happier Parent!

3. Remind yourself what’s important.

Are you doing what you believe in for your family?  Make a list of what is important for you to do, say, and/or accomplish as a mom.  As long as you’re trying, you’re doing what’s right.  Speaking of trying …

4. Seek ways to improve.

Just because you (should) know that you are a good mom, doesn’t mean you don’t try to improve yourself.  We should always be looking for ways to be better.  Just remember, you’re aiming to please yourself.  You should be seeking improvements in areas you want to improve upon, not what someone else believes makes a good mom.

Embracing Personal Growth:

  • Recognize that being a good mom doesn’t mean being flawless, but rather constantly striving to improve.
  • Identify specific areas you want to enhance, whether it’s being more patient, practicing better communication, or allocating more quality time with your children.
  • Embrace the journey of self-improvement with the understanding that it’s about aligning with your own values and not adhering to someone else’s standards.

Credible Insights and Expert Opinions:

Parenting experts often emphasize the significance of self-compassion and self-awareness in the journey of motherhood. Dr. Kristin Neff of Self-Compassion.org, a well-known expert in the field of self-compassion, highlights how self-compassion can significantly reduce the feelings of inadequacy and self-judgment that many mothers experience. She notes that self-compassion involves treating oneself with the same kindness and understanding that one would offer to a beloved friend, especially in challenging moments of parenting.

Furthermore, Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a renowned clinical psychologist and author, often emphasizes the importance of conscious parenting, encouraging mothers to embrace their own personal growth alongside their children’s development. According to her, conscious parenting involves a deep understanding of one’s own emotions and triggers, which ultimately enhances the parent-child relationship and nurtures a more supportive and empathetic environment for the family.

Additionally, recent studies published in reputable journals such as the Journal of Marriage and Family and the Journal of Child and Family Studies highlight the correlation between a mother’s self-compassion and her overall well-being, indicating that self-compassionate mothers are more likely to exhibit positive parenting behaviors and create a nurturing home environment for their children.

Utilizing insights from these experts and incorporating findings from credible research can significantly enhance the credibility and depth of your article, providing readers with valuable perspectives and evidence-based information to support their journey through the challenges of motherhood.

Final Thoughts On Answering “Am I a Good Mom”

In the beautiful chaos of motherhood, it’s crucial to recognize that there’s no one-size-fits-all definition of a good mom. Each of us embarks on a unique journey, navigating through our individual set of values, challenges, and aspirations. What one mother perceives as her pinnacle of success may differ vastly from another’s perspective. Our diverse family dynamics, our children’s distinct personalities, and our evolving selves all contribute to the tapestry of motherhood’s complexity.

So, the next time that familiar self-doubt begins to creep in, remind yourself that you are enough. Embrace the imperfections, celebrate the victories, and cherish the genuine moments of connection with your children. Your love, patience, and unwavering dedication are shaping a beautiful story that’s uniquely yours.

As you reflect on this, remember to reach out to fellow moms, for in our shared experiences, we find solace and strength. Share this post, a gentle reminder to all the amazing moms out there, that their journey is valued, their efforts cherished, and their love immeasurable. Together, let’s celebrate the beauty of our diverse paths and the incredible bond that unites us all.

Do you ever feel like you hate being a mom? 

No judgement here either!  Check out my thoughts on what to do when you don’t like being a mom!

good mom quote
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Am I a good mom? originally appeared here in 2017 and has been updated.

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Kayla January 2, 2017 - 8:23 am

I can not love this enough! Definitely something I ask myself often.

Ivy B January 2, 2017 - 12:16 pm

Hi Kayla, Thank you for the kind words. Hopefully this helped you feel better about your parenting. I’m sure you’re a good mom <3

Alice Gerard January 2, 2017 - 2:04 pm

Very delightful. I’ve never been fortunate enough to be a mom but I am an auntie. I get to be silly and entertain the kids and they think that I am a great big toy. When you get tired, remember that you can invite the kids uncles and aunts over to entertain them while you take a nap, wash dishes, do laundry, run errands, etc. Aunties and uncles love this!!!

Ivy B January 2, 2017 - 2:07 pm

Oh how I wish … my nieces and nephews would create more chaos than the mini-break is worth. Grandparents though, that’s where it’s at LOL

Ed Miller January 2, 2017 - 9:44 pm

Hi Ivy! I enjoyed your post today. I think you’re right on when you point out that “Am I a Good Mom?” is not a helpful question. A lot of us have doubts about how we’re doing, but stressing about it isn’t going to help at all. I like you’re suggestion that all parents keep looking for ways to improve. That’s good advice.

Ivy B January 2, 2017 - 10:00 pm

Hi Ed! Thanks so much for visiting and sharing your thoughts. It’s an easy trap to fall into and even though I know it, I struggle with it myself. 🙂

LadyInRead January 3, 2017 - 12:47 am

Great post and totally agree with you on your thoughts.. and yes, if we care enough to ask, that is a positive indicator right there 🙂 Will be reading future posts definitely

Savannah January 3, 2017 - 4:20 am

This is WONDERFUL!! Seriously, I do find myself thinking this often! It’s not really helpful at all, and just leaves me doubting myself in the end. You’re right, it really does no good! I love how you urge to always seek ways to improve, because I think that is just as important!! Thanks so much for sharing <3

Herchel Scruggs January 3, 2017 - 7:28 pm

I forget to bring piper’s lunch so much that the school receptionist and I laugh about it….while I race to the cafeteria because she’s already sitting in there by the time I get to school with her lunch.

It happens to us all! I love this post Ivy.

Ivy B January 4, 2017 - 7:50 pm

Geez, that’s both scary and comforting. I’m sooooo not accustomed to being so scatterbrained and not-with-it. Thanks for trying to make me feel better about it 🙂

Susan Croox January 15, 2017 - 9:01 pm

I think we all have our moments! It’s important to see the big picture. Being a good mom doesn’t mean you won’t make mistakes.

Ivy B January 19, 2017 - 10:34 am

Oh lordy, that’s the truth! I’m pretty sure I make mistakes all the time. 🙂 Thanks for visiting!

Amber Richter January 15, 2017 - 10:06 pm

I also agree that if you have to ask, you probably are a good mom. I think with all of the many different parent choices we have to make and all the mommy shaming that goes on, it is important to focus on the fact that you’re trying to do what you feel is best for your child(ren) and your family. That doesn’t always look like what someone else may be doing. Great post!

Ivy B January 19, 2017 - 10:33 am

We have to remember, too, that regardless of what others think, we’re doing the best we can under our circumstances. No other mommy’s opinion matters when it comes to our own families. Thanks for visiting!

Stephanie January 15, 2017 - 10:36 pm

You said it all and spoke the truth! I battled this inside for quite some time and prayer certainly helps. I pray about everything! Some days go smoother than others and it makes me second guess myself as a mom, but knowing the He hears my cries, gives me reassurance by the end of day. I am able to go to sleep without regret or doubts.

Ivy B January 19, 2017 - 10:34 am

Congratulations mama! Thanks for stopping by 🙂

Hope Brissette January 16, 2017 - 12:46 pm

This is such a great reminder. I ask myself that question daily. Parenting is hard and we are all doing our best. I now know why they say “it takes a village”. We are all doing a good job at the end of the day. Thank you for this uplifting reminder today.

Cheri January 17, 2017 - 5:32 pm

I love this. I question myself everyday so I guess that means I’m a good mom!

Ivy B January 19, 2017 - 10:29 am

I’m sure you are! <3

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Sara Simmens January 17, 2020 - 4:23 pm

This is so true! I find myself many times thinking if I’m good a enough mother…I try to do my best but I also working
in a full time job and its very hard. But I try to do whatever I can… Thanks for writing it.

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