Am I a Good Mom? The Best Response is This

by Ivy B
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Am I a good mom?  I believe you’re a good mom and there’s one reason why.  Share this or tag a good mommy to let them know you notice the struggle or believe they’re a good mom too.

I was in the kitchen cleaning dishes, pretending I wasn’t getting sick.  As I stood there rinsing a cup, I was thinking of all the things I needed to do.  Then, I thought of all the things I didn’t feel like doing.  Wondering when the baby would wake and if I should go grab lunch … because I didn’t feel like eating what I had in the house.  

And then …

Damn … I forgot to pack my daughter’s snack for school.  I gave myself some grief.   How could I do that?  She eats lunch so late.  What kind of mother forgets her daughter’s snack?  I tell myself it was because I was out of routine.  “You didn’t have to pack her lunch today … she wanted to buy lunch.”  Okay, I’ve rationalized how I could have forgotten.

I calm my thoughts after I remind myself that her teacher had a snack stash for just this situation.  In fact, I donated a humongous box of chips to her classroom just weeks ago.  She’s fine.  She will be taken care of.

Am I a good mom?  I believe you're a good mom and there's one reason why.  Share this or tag a good mommy to let them know you notice the struggle or believe they're a good mom too. |

As a mom of two children, I know how often I question my abilities.  There are so many questions I pose to myself about my own parenting.

I often wonder if I do enough.  Have I said the right things?  Am I teaching my children important life lessons?  Have I shown them how to be good friends?  Am I teaching them to be responsible for their actions and that they’re not entitled to anything in this world?  That’s just to name a few.  And those probably happened in less than an hour.  Just today.

All my questions boil down to one simple, and common, question most moms have.

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Am I a Good Mom?

The key to being a good mom is simple.

Stop asking the question.

I know you’re asking “How does that qualify as an answer to a question?”

It isn’t.  But there’s a reason for it.  And that is …

There is no definitive answer.

The fact that you feel compelled to ask if you’re a good mom likely means that you are a good mom.  You’re asking because you care.  You’re concerned that you’re doing the right thing for your family.  This tells me, simply, you are a good mom.

Related: Creating a Perfect & Functional Nursery & Motherhood Tips from the Experts

How Do I Know If I Am a Good Mom?

Okay, I get it.  You need some signs that you’re a good mom.

Here are a few things that indicate you’re probably a good mom:

  1. Your kids smile, laugh and enjoy life.
  2. Your kids are polite and share.
  3. You put (at least some of) their needs ahead of your own.
  4. You parent your kids according to their personalities and needs.
  5. You aren’t afraid of doling out consequences.
  6. Sometimes your kids say “I hate you“.

What are the Signs of a Bad Mother?

Not so great moms may:

  • Only focus on work, financial stability and your child’s school performance.
  • Not try to communicate or have heart to hearts with your children.
  • Provide an overabundance.
  • Be over protective.

How to Stop Wondering if You’re a Good Mom

Motherhood is a challenging job, to say the least! But here are some things that may help put everything into perspective and keep you grounded in reality:

1. Stop seeking validation from others.  

Their opinions of your parenting don’t matter, do they?  That’s the thing with us moms … we always seem to be concerned about what others think about us.  And, it shouldn’t be that way.  Their opinions are subjective because their ideas of being a good mom really only apply to themselves.  They don’t have all the information to make the best decisions for your family.  Only you do.  So stop putting stock in other’s thoughts.

2. Stop comparing yourself to others.

Your friends’ posts on social media are only one side of her life.

I am not a Pinterest Mom!

The Pinterest pins one may save are no indication of a mom’s real life.  I seriously have tons of crafts saved to my Pinterest boards, but I don’t have the time or energy to do them all.  I just like them.  And I wish I could do them.

Related: Delete Facebook, Be a Happier Parent!

3. Remind yourself what’s important.

Are you doing what you believe in for your family?  Make a list of what is important for you to do, say, and/or accomplish as a mom.  As long as you’re trying, you’re doing what’s right.  Speaking of trying …

4. Seek ways to improve.

Just because you (should) know that you are a good mom, doesn’t mean you don’t try to improve yourself.  We should always be looking for ways to be better.  Just remember, you’re aiming to please yourself.  You should be seeking improvements in areas you want to improve upon, not what someone else believes makes a good mom.

There’s no real definition for a good mom.  Everyone’s ideas of parenting are different.  What one mom thinks makes her good is probably completely different from another.  We all have different values, struggles, and visions.  Our family dynamics are all different.  And our children, husbands, and selves all have different needs.

The next time you wonder whether or not you’re a good mom, punch yourself in the face bring yourself back to this post.  And, don’t forget to share it with other moms you know.  Share it on social media and tag a good mom!

Do you ever feel like you hate being a mom? 

No judgement here either!  Check out my thoughts on what to do when you don’t like being a mom!

good mom quote

Am I a good mom? originally appeared here in 2017 and has been updated.

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Kayla January 2, 2017 - 8:23 am

I can not love this enough! Definitely something I ask myself often.

Ivy B January 2, 2017 - 12:16 pm

Hi Kayla, Thank you for the kind words. Hopefully this helped you feel better about your parenting. I’m sure you’re a good mom <3

Alice Gerard January 2, 2017 - 2:04 pm

Very delightful. I’ve never been fortunate enough to be a mom but I am an auntie. I get to be silly and entertain the kids and they think that I am a great big toy. When you get tired, remember that you can invite the kids uncles and aunts over to entertain them while you take a nap, wash dishes, do laundry, run errands, etc. Aunties and uncles love this!!!

Ivy B January 2, 2017 - 2:07 pm

Oh how I wish … my nieces and nephews would create more chaos than the mini-break is worth. Grandparents though, that’s where it’s at LOL

Ed Miller January 2, 2017 - 9:44 pm

Hi Ivy! I enjoyed your post today. I think you’re right on when you point out that “Am I a Good Mom?” is not a helpful question. A lot of us have doubts about how we’re doing, but stressing about it isn’t going to help at all. I like you’re suggestion that all parents keep looking for ways to improve. That’s good advice.

Ivy B January 2, 2017 - 10:00 pm

Hi Ed! Thanks so much for visiting and sharing your thoughts. It’s an easy trap to fall into and even though I know it, I struggle with it myself. 🙂

LadyInRead January 3, 2017 - 12:47 am

Great post and totally agree with you on your thoughts.. and yes, if we care enough to ask, that is a positive indicator right there 🙂 Will be reading future posts definitely

Savannah January 3, 2017 - 4:20 am

This is WONDERFUL!! Seriously, I do find myself thinking this often! It’s not really helpful at all, and just leaves me doubting myself in the end. You’re right, it really does no good! I love how you urge to always seek ways to improve, because I think that is just as important!! Thanks so much for sharing <3

Herchel Scruggs January 3, 2017 - 7:28 pm

I forget to bring piper’s lunch so much that the school receptionist and I laugh about it….while I race to the cafeteria because she’s already sitting in there by the time I get to school with her lunch.

It happens to us all! I love this post Ivy.

Ivy B January 4, 2017 - 7:50 pm

Geez, that’s both scary and comforting. I’m sooooo not accustomed to being so scatterbrained and not-with-it. Thanks for trying to make me feel better about it 🙂

Susan Croox January 15, 2017 - 9:01 pm

I think we all have our moments! It’s important to see the big picture. Being a good mom doesn’t mean you won’t make mistakes.

Ivy B January 19, 2017 - 10:34 am

Oh lordy, that’s the truth! I’m pretty sure I make mistakes all the time. 🙂 Thanks for visiting!

Amber Richter January 15, 2017 - 10:06 pm

I also agree that if you have to ask, you probably are a good mom. I think with all of the many different parent choices we have to make and all the mommy shaming that goes on, it is important to focus on the fact that you’re trying to do what you feel is best for your child(ren) and your family. That doesn’t always look like what someone else may be doing. Great post!

Ivy B January 19, 2017 - 10:33 am

We have to remember, too, that regardless of what others think, we’re doing the best we can under our circumstances. No other mommy’s opinion matters when it comes to our own families. Thanks for visiting!

Stephanie January 15, 2017 - 10:36 pm

You said it all and spoke the truth! I battled this inside for quite some time and prayer certainly helps. I pray about everything! Some days go smoother than others and it makes me second guess myself as a mom, but knowing the He hears my cries, gives me reassurance by the end of day. I am able to go to sleep without regret or doubts.

Ivy B January 19, 2017 - 10:34 am

Congratulations mama! Thanks for stopping by 🙂

Hope Brissette January 16, 2017 - 12:46 pm

This is such a great reminder. I ask myself that question daily. Parenting is hard and we are all doing our best. I now know why they say “it takes a village”. We are all doing a good job at the end of the day. Thank you for this uplifting reminder today.

Cheri January 17, 2017 - 5:32 pm

I love this. I question myself everyday so I guess that means I’m a good mom!

Ivy B January 19, 2017 - 10:29 am

I’m sure you are! <3

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Sara Simmens January 17, 2020 - 4:23 pm

This is so true! I find myself many times thinking if I’m good a enough mother…I try to do my best but I also working
in a full time job and its very hard. But I try to do whatever I can… Thanks for writing it.

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